Why Finding a Nanny Feels So Hard (And It’s Not Just You)
- carla avery
- Feb 4
- 4 min read
If you’ve found yourself thinking “Why is this so much harder than I expected?” you’re not alone.
Many parents begin their nanny search assuming it will be relatively straightforward. Post a role, speak to a few candidates, find the right fit, and move forward. In reality, the process often feels overwhelming, emotional and far more complex than anticipated.
This doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It means the decision itself carries far more weight than people often acknowledge.
It’s Not Just a Hire. It’s a Relationship
Unlike many other roles, hiring a nanny isn’t simply about filling a position or matching a job description. You’re inviting someone into your home, into your family’s routines, and into the most ordinary, and most important moments of your child’s day.
A nanny becomes a huge and important part of family life. They see your child when they’re tired, excited, frustrated, curious and learning. They help shape daily routines, support emotional development, and often become a familiar and trusted presence during key stages of childhood.
That level of access and responsibility requires trust, and trust isn’t built overnight. It’s completely natural to feel cautious, uncertain or even conflicted while navigating the process. Many parents are making a decision like this for the first time, without a clear framework for what “right” should feel like.
Unlike more transactional hires, there’s rarely a clear yes or no checklist. Instead, parents often rely on instinct, subtle signals, and how a potential nanny makes them feel about their child’s care. That ambiguity can feel unsettling, especially when the stakes are high.
If the process feels harder than expected, it’s usually because it is. This isn’t just a practical decision, it’s also an emotional one, and recognising that is often the first step towards approaching the search with greater clarity and confidence.
Too Many Options, Not Enough Clarity
One of the biggest challenges families face when searching for a nanny is the sheer number of routes available.
Online platforms, personal recommendations, agencies and social media groups all offer different paths forward, each with their own expectations, risks and levels of support. While having choice can feel empowering at first, it often quickly becomes overwhelming, particularly when advice from friends, online forums and professionals doesn’t always align.
Parents are suddenly faced with dozens of CVs, varying levels of experience and conflicting opinions on what truly matters. It can be difficult to know which questions will actually reveal how a nanny works day to day, and which details are less important than they initially appear.
Many families also struggle with how to assess “fit” beyond what’s written on paper. Experience and qualifications provide helpful context, but they don’t always reflect how someone will engage with your child, manage routines or adapt to the rhythm of your household.
Without clarity, the process can start to feel reactive rather than considered, with parents moving between options without feeling confident in any of them. This uncertainty is often what makes the search feel so draining, even when there are seemingly plenty of candidates available.
At this stage, what most families need isn’t more information. They need guidance on how to filter it, prioritise the important parts, and move forward with confidence rather than doubt.
The Emotional Weight of Getting It Wrong
Parents often worry about disrupting their child’s routine, introducing unnecessary change or making a decision they later regret. There’s often an underlying concern about having to go through the entire process again - another search, another transition, another adjustment for everyone involved.
This pressure can make the process feel unexpectedly stressful, particularly when you’re already balancing demanding work schedules, family life and sheer exhaustion. Even practical decisions can feel emotionally charged when the stakes involve your child’s wellbeing and sense of security.
It’s also common for parents to carry a sense of guilt for needing help at all, or to feel uncertain about what kind of childcare truly aligns with their values and parenting approach. Many find themselves questioning whether they’re making the “right” choice - not just logistically, but emotionally.
When these feelings surface, it doesn’t mean you’re overthinking. It usually means you care deeply about creating a stable, supportive environment for your child. Acknowledging that emotional weight is often the first step towards approaching the search with greater clarity and compassion for yourself.
Timing Adds to the Pressure
For many families, the nanny search doesn’t begin in a calm or neutral moment. It’s often triggered by a change that has already happened, such as a return to work, a nanny leaving unexpectedly, a relocation, or a childcare arrangement that no longer feels sustainable.
When time feels tight, it becomes much harder to pause and reflect. Even parents who are naturally thoughtful and intentional can find themselves feeling rushed or pressured to make decisions quickly simply to keep daily life moving.
This sense of urgency can create an uncomfortable tension. On one hand, there’s a desire to take care, ask the right questions and choose someone who really suits their family. On the other, there’s the practical reality of work commitments, schedules and responsibilities that can’t easily be put on hold.
Recognising this pressure is important. When timing is acknowledged and managed thoughtfully, the search can feel far more measured and far less overwhelming.
Why Support Can Make a Difference
Having space to talk through your situation, figure out what matters most to your family, and approach the search with structure can significantly reduce stress. It allows you to move forward calmly, rather than reacting to pressure or urgency.
For many parents, the greatest sense of relief doesn’t come from finding someone quickly. It comes from feeling secure in the decision they’re making, knowing the choice has been fully considered and well thought through.
A Final Thought
If you’re finding the nanny search harder than expected, it doesn’t mean you’re failing at it.
It means you care deeply about your child, your home and the life you’re building, and that’s exactly where thoughtful decisions begin.
You don’t need to have everything figured out at once. Sometimes, the most helpful first step is simply having the right conversation.
If this resonates, you may also find it helpful to read our article on is it normal to feel guilty hiring a nanny? which explores the emotional side of accepting support and letting go of unnecessary guilt.
If you’d like to arrange a chat with us, you can book via our Calendly link here: calendly.com/thenannyandmaternityagency-info
Alternatively, you can contact us directly:
WhatsApp: +44 (0) 7353 781271
Comments