What to Do When Your Nanny Is Leaving: A Calm Guide for Parents

carla avery
Jan 15
4 min read

While parents always hope their nanny will stay with them until their children no longer need one, life doesn’t always work that way. Sometimes circumstances change, a nanny may be relocating, experiencing a shift in personal circumstances, or choosing a new career path. As difficult as it can be, nannies sometimes have to make the right decision for themselves. When a nanny leaves, many families feel immediate pressure to replace them quickly, particularly when work schedules are demanding or there’s little external support. Having to find a new nanny can feel like going back to square one, and for parents who struggled to find the right fit initially, the thought of starting the process again can feel overwhelming.

If you’ve had an exceptional nanny and built a strong relationship, it’s completely natural to want to replace her as quickly as possible and restore the balance your household had.

However, rushing this stage often leads to short-term decisions rather than long-term solutions.

Before beginning a new search, it’s worth pausing to reflect on what worked well in the existing arrangement and what you might like to improve. Gaining this clarity early on will make the next stage far smoother and more considered.

Understand What Really Made the Relationship Work

When a nanny leaves, it’s tempting to begin the search by looking for someone who appears “similar” on paper", comparable experience, similar qualifications, or a familiar background.

However, what truly made the relationship successful often runs much deeper than a CV.

Take time to reflect on what genuinely worked for your family. Consider the values that mattered most in your home, the routines that supported your household, and the way your nanny communicated with both you and your children. Think about how they handled day-to-day moments, transitions, boundaries and emotional needs.

For many families, the most important factor is how their child felt in the nanny’s care; whether they felt safe, understood and settled. These qualities are built through temperament, approach and consistency, rather than credentials alone.

By identifying the elements that created trust and ease in your previous arrangement, you’re far more likely to find a new nanny who supports your family just as well and often even better.

It’s also important not to compare a new nanny too closely to the previous one. Doing so can affect their confidence and prevent a new relationship from developing naturally. While it’s absolutely appropriate to share what worked well previously, for example, “What worked with our last nanny was…”, it’s equally important to recognise that your new nanny will bring her own strengths, personality and skills. Allowing space for this individuality helps new arrangements flourish.

Support Your Child Through the Transition

Children often sense change long before they’re able to put it into words.

Even very young children can pick up on shifts in routine, emotion or atmosphere, which is why thoughtful handling of this transition is so important. While adults may focus on logistics, children benefit most from emotional continuity and reassurance.

Where possible, talk openly and positively about what’s happening, using simple, age-appropriate language. Framing the change as a natural next step, rather than a loss, can help children feel secure and supported.

Maintaining familiar daily routines is equally important. Regular mealtimes, nap schedules and favourite activities provide a sense of stability during a period of change.

Allowing space for goodbyes and closure can also make a significant difference. This might look like shared conversations, a small farewell ritual or acknowledging the relationship your child has built.

When transitions are handled with care, children are far more likely to adapt confidently and settle into new care with ease, protecting their sense of safety and emotional wellbeing throughout the process.

Be Realistic About Timing

High-quality nannies are rarely available immediately.

Families are often surprised to learn that the most experienced, reliable nannies are usually already in long-term roles. This means that finding the right person can take longer than expected, particularly if you’re looking for someone who truly fits your family’s values, routines and expectations.

Allowing enough time to search, interview and reflect can make the difference between a placement that simply fills a gap and one that genuinely supports your family long term.

Rushed decisions are more likely to result in mismatched expectations or repeated transitions.

Families who plan ahead, even by a few weeks, often find the process far smoother and more straightforward. With realistic timelines in place, it becomes easier to focus on quality, fit and continuity rather than urgency alone.

When to Seek Support

Many parents begin their search independently, only to realise how complex it can be, particularly when balancing work, family life and emotional considerations.

At this stage, having professional guidance can provide clarity, reassurance and structure, ensuring the next placement is well-aligned rather than rushed.